Saturn Return Journal: Grace Tebble

Grace is a kindred spirit. I had the pleasure of reading her chart at the beginning and towards the end of her Return and it was so awesome to see the way she navigated and grew through this experience and I resonate with her journey a lot.

Grace is a musician, an evolutionary astrologer, a kundalini babe and has a number of other modalities under her belt that she is alchemising together. I’m really looking forward to seeing how she blends them within her work. You can follow her on Instagram here. I’m a fan, she’s awesome.

Where is Saturn in your natal chat?

My Saturn is in Capricorn in the 8th House.

What were some of the themes of your Saturn Return?

Some of the major themes were around understanding boundaries - defining my own and recognising the boundaries of others. Realising my worth and learning to speak up for my values. Becoming clear on what it is I value! Spiritual / emotional death and re-birth. Lots and lots of self inflicted shadow work. So much shadow my god - brutal. This period really found me face planting in the pot hole I had dug out for myself again and again...and again haha.

Any stories that you would like to share that illuminate these themes?

I spent my 28th birthday in India. A first time trip I had booked to venture out on my own for a bit of quiet meditation time and to complete a level 2 teacher training to add to my Kundalini Yoga qualification. I've always been the kind of person who gets a kick from throwing myself in the deep end and exploring the depths of spiritual teachings and other cultures. As much beauty as I experienced on this trip - I also experienced harrowing fear and misery. I was underprepared and naive. At this time I really had a chip on my shoulder about being independent and able to "do everything on my own". Little did I know that this polarising dance between spiritual highs and self defeating lows would be the preview of what was to come for the next two and a half years as I made my way through my Saturn Return period. Shortly after my return from India I decided to leave my home and the safety of my beautiful community in Byron Bay. The decision to leave felt excruciating. But there was an emptiness in my soul I needed to fulfil. I was craving the momentum of a city and to feel like a small fish in a bigger pond so to speak. To be challenged. So I moved to Sydney ( a place where I had only a hand full of acquaintances) to sort of start life all over again. I really put myself out there and made friends quickly. But my desire for connection and new experience would find me immersing in all kinds of scenes. Some good. Some not so good. I lived a double life as a wild party girl with one group of friends. And a meditation retreat / shamanic ritual devote with another group. And everything in-between.

I felt very insecure about not having one obvious goal like the rest of my peers. I knew my path was in the world of spiritual health and healing in some capacity but until I became clear on what modality to sink my teeth into - I figured I would just put my hand up to experience everything. I wanted to understand. But I was motivated by pain and had zero boundaries through it all. I was incredibly unclear of what I wanted and was just indulging in whatever experience I could get myself into just for the sake of experiencing it. Until finally around my 30th birthday, I broke down. Some of my so called 'friends' just vanished. My body completely rebelled against me and health issues forced me into a very intense introspective state of sobriety and self analysis. This period was the ultimate integration....and then Corona took over the world. For me Covid was really like the grand finale in my Saturn return journey. As much harrowing fear and misery as I experienced during this time - I also experienced profound healing and beauty. That polarising dance between spiritual highs and self defeating lows showed up again. I guess that's just life. But It's how we handle our experiences that defines our growth and capacity to heal from them. This time around I had a much sturdier platform beneath me. I had experience on my side and a stronger sense of self. And on the other side of it all I realise the transformation that occurred has been one that could only come from such a turbulent experience. And I wouldn't change it for anything.

Having the beauty of hindsight, what was this initiatory period teaching you?

Saturn really worked to shine a big interrogating spotlight on the elements of my being that needed to be brought to light. To be revealed so that they could heal. The whole process was incredibly unglamorous haha. But ultimately I can see these hard lessons encouraged me to respect myself more. To have my own back. To free myself from the comparison trap and gain the confidence to know what I want and run my own race. I have learned to identify the people in my life who genuinely support me and love me for who I am - and I cherish those relationships. The biggest takeaway from it all was to get out of the head. To drop 'the story' and allow my life to be dictated by the joy in my heart as oppose to the belief systems of the past.